A Dark Night in Aurora Read online

  Gargi broke up with James at the end of February. Gargi says it was because he didn’t like to have intellectual conversations, told bad jokes, and tried to be “cool” but was socially awkward. James said that Gargi simply didn’t see a future with him. He didn’t contradict her choice. He speculated that she couldn’t picture a family life with him and that such a life would “probably [lack] ample conversation.”

  James’s investment in the relationship—as much investment as his flawed personality could make—was greater than Gargi’s. He cooked for her; he told her he loved her. But Gargi later said that she had never felt close to him. James told me he was glad that he “succumbed to falling in love…. I got to know another person well and care for another person.”

  By late February or March, James began “seeing” things that weren’t there. He described a flickering in his peripheral vision when he was alone in the laboratory, “then there’d be, like, shadows moving with nothing causing them.” When he turned toward them, they stayed in view, “kind of dancing … usually the shape of a person … like juggling or doing something.” Sometimes he saw them when he was in bed with the lights out. Sometimes they seemed to have guns; sometimes they were “juggling heads.”

  He wasn’t frightened. They were just shadows, he said, “so they can’t do anything to you.” He wanted to figure them out, but there was nothing else there. They stayed for as long as he focused on them. When he stopped focusing for a few minutes, they disappeared.

  As spring break was approaching, James’s mother wrote to him. James answered promptly and talked about having a barbecue with friends. He also told her, with his usual less-than-emotional brevity, that his relationship with Gargi had changed. “The Gargi situation has gotten complex,” he wrote. “I did my usual complete disassociation but then she wanted to get back together and we did last week but not as in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship capacity or as just friends. So now we are seeing each other somewhere between friends and a relationship.”

  Gargi and James remained friends and according to him became “friends with benefits” (sexual benefits) about two weeks after they broke up. James was depressed, but he accepted the new, more superficial relationship for a couple of months. In his words, a “noncommittal relationship” was better than nothing. He had no hopes that there would be a future together. The little group of Tim, Ben, James, and Gargi began to dissolve that spring. James was the only neuroscience student, and they often had different classes. Gargi continued to be a main focus in his life.

  By the first week in March, Gargi had become concerned about James, particularly his moods and some of his conversation. She told him about some of her own emotional issues and gently suggested that he see a therapist. He took her advice.

  On Friday, March 16, James visited Margaret Roath, MSW, an experienced counselor at the CU Denver student health service. He told Roath that he had “anxiety around people and public speaking” (her words) and that he had recently broken up with his girlfriend. When queried further, he talked about not being able to trust others and having a habit of pulling at his hair. He declined to talk about other symptoms, telling Roath that if he did,

  I (Roath) would have to report him. He says he wants to kill other people, but no one in particular and has never done anything to harm others…. It was very hard to interview him as he would just stare and take a long time to answer. He said it was very hard for him to come in. (Margaret Roath notes of March 16, 2012)

  In spite of his statements to her, Roath described James in her clinic records as having “no dangerousness.” She gave him a diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and referred him to psychiatrist Lynne Fenton, MD, medical director of the Anschutz Campus student mental health clinic. Dr. Fenton is a clinician, supervisor of psychiatric trainees, teacher, and researcher at the medical school. Roath e-mailed her on March 19,

  He is the most anxious guy I have ever seen and has symptoms of OCD. But, most concerning is that he has thoughts of killing people, though I do not think he is dangerous. He said he did not want to tell me everything he was experiencing as I might have to report …

  Holmes’s first appointment with Dr. Fenton was on March 21. He described his primary symptoms as a mixture of anxiety, ruminating thoughts, difficulty with losing Gargi, depression, decreased energy, and trouble concentrating and focusing his thoughts. Most of those things had gotten worse during the past couple of weeks, he said, since breaking up with Gargi.

  Dr. Fenton took a thorough history, relying—as most doctors do—on Holmes’s own statements for accuracy and honesty. She wondered if James’s thinking was impaired to the point of psychosis (inadequate contact with reality), noting his poor eye contact, short and stilted answers, and “some odd thought processes.”

  Holmes told Fenton of his recently increased stress and girlfriend problems, which he said made his obsessive symptoms (daily, intrusive, ruminative thoughts of killing) and behavioral compulsions (inconvenient but harmless at that point) worse than ever. He revealed that, in fantasy, one solution to his “biological problem” would be to eliminate it with “homicide,” adding vaguely that since he couldn’t kill everyone, that wouldn’t be an effective solution.

  Fenton explored Holmes’s thoughts of killing as best she could in the session. She wrote in her documentation that his violent ruminations were “not entirely ego-dystonic” (that is, they didn’t seem to trouble him very much). Nevertheless, James denied specific plans to kill, specific targets of violence, and suicidal thoughts, all of which contributed to her impression that he “appears not currently dangerous but warrants further understanding and following.”

  Dr. Fenton’s preliminary diagnoses included OCD and social phobia, with a possibility of “schizoid personality disorder,” a chronic and pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and of restricted emotional expression. After considering antipsychotic medication, she decided to prescribe only for James’s anxiety and depression, and she scheduled a return appointment for a week later.

  Meanwhile, James’s texts to Gargi became darker. After months of routine, chatty exchange, sometimes with “black humor” or puns back and forth, he was now more specific with her about his violent fantasies and ponderings. In the context of the time, his words could have been interpreted as odd humor, fantasy, or just talk between friends; in retrospect, and perhaps only in retrospect, they were ominous. On March 25, some of his texts with Gargi read,

  JAMES: “Well what I feel like doing is evil so can’t do that”

  GARGI: “… what is so evil that you want to do?”

  JAMES: “Kill people of course. That is why I live in the future…. There is no way to do it and not get caught. But the only way justice can be served is by taking away your time or life”

  Their next exchange was Holmes’s earliest communication of his chilling (at least in retrospect) concept of “human capital,” his unique idea that some experts and investigators later viewed as a philosophy, some as an idea, some as a delusion, and some as simply an excuse to kill.

  JAMES: “Human capital. Some people may make a million dollars, others 100,000. But life is priceless. You take away human life and your human capital is limitless”

  GARGI: “it depends on the perspective. what would you do with the human capital?”

  JAMES: “Have a more meaningful life…. Because if there is meaning to life, and [if] you take that away from other people you have prevented their purpose”

  GARGI: “someone else will fulfill the purpose then. it doesn’t help you. it may satisfy you but it doesn’t help you fulfill your purpose”

  JAMES: “It still makes my life more meaningful … increasing my human capital by taking theirs”

  GARGI: “i don’t understand the concept of human capital. I don’t see how it is useful … its not being incorporated into you … you are just taking away a life. that seems to be like destruction”

  JAMES: “… I don’t believe
there’s absolute good and evil”

  GARGI: “if you want to kill people, why don’t you kill me and ben and other people who are around you and have wronged you?”

  JAMES: “I would be caught and could not kill more people, I would also lose the rest of my life … That’s why I won’t kill until my life is nearly over. Your meaning of life doesn’t address the meaning of death…. Life came into being and ever since has been a cancer upon death.”

  GARGI: “I don’t understand the purpose of your view but that could just be because I don’t think the way you do …”

  JAMES: “Were we not dead before we were alive? … I am not inherently evil, Gargi, my outlook on destroying life is plan B. I also found a purpose for ‘good’”

  GARGI: “I know you are not inherently evil. what is your purpose for good?”

  JAMES: “You sure you want to know?”

  Gargi was concerned about this new direction in James’s texts, so she showed them to Ben Garcia. Ben’s relationship with James had begun to sour, but he still wanted to help. Neither thought that James would become violent, but they knew he was seeing a psychiatrist. They told him that he should talk with the doctor about his thoughts of killing. James said he was already doing that. They believed him.

  ____________

  Aurora, Colorado, July 20, 2012, just after midnight:

  Teenagers Brooke and Cierra Cowden came to the Century 16 Cinema just before midnight, July 19, with their father, Gordon. He had joked about taking them to see Walt Disney’s Brave; they were relieved and excited to be seeing The Dark Knight Rises instead. The family sat in row thirteen, about halfway to the back of the auditorium. Brooke remembers “firecracker” noises and thinking they were from some kind of stunt; then she realized she was hearing bursts of gunfire. The girls heard someone scream, “I love you.” Their father stood up to move them away from the danger.

  Just as Gordon Cowden turned to be sure that Brooke and Cierra were following him, James Holmes shot him. He died there, trying to lead his daughters to safety.

  5. Seeds of the Mission

  “Pretty sure I’m a psychotic being.”

  (James Holmes, in a text to Ben Garcia, early 2012)

  Ben continued to text with James from time to time in March and April, even though the two weren’t as close as they had been. Like James and Gargi, James and Ben exchanged dark-sounding thoughts, but they always seemed to be in a context of humor or fantasy, often connected with the board and video games the two often played. In January, Ben jokingly asked why James had “tried to kill me last night” in a video game. They wrote back and forth in what was obvious kidding about the game, but a little later in the same exchange, James’s conversation became more ambiguous. Was he being serious? Or just continuing the banter that Ben had started?

  JAMES: “Pretty sure I’m a psychotic being”

  BEN: “[Do] you hallucinate often or are you demented, ’cause psychotic encompasses dementia”

  JAMES: “Nah, no hallucinations”

  BEN: “what kinds you have”

  JAMES: “Psychotic delusions”

  Ben didn’t take James’s comments about psychosis or delusions to mean that anything was seriously wrong. Ben had had a few psychological issues himself. His interchanges with James were more jousting and commiserating than mental explorations.

  Those texts included a brief reference to the Highlander television series, which, in turn, referred to killing competitors to absorb their powers. That allusion would resonate with many experts and investigators after the shootings, leading them to postulate some connection between the Highlander premise and Holmes’s “human capital” motivations. In fact, however, the reference appears to be coincidental. It is not repeated in any of Holmes’s later writing, and Holmes denies any association between the two.

  On April 3, at his third appointment with Dr. Fenton, James said he was a little less anxious but still tired during the day and having trouble remembering things during lab presentations. Dr. Fenton made some minor medication adjustments. She was now prescribing, and James was ostensibly taking, sertraline (brand name Zoloft, or Lustral in some parts of the world, usually prescribed for depression but often effective for anxiety and obsessive-compulsive symptoms) and propranolol (for anxiety).

  James was very reserved during the session and “extremely withholding,” but he smiled from time to time—for example, when making a small joke about his lab experiences. As in all of his psychiatrist visits, his eye contact with the doctor was poor. He routinely looked down or around the room instead of directly at her. The straying of his eyes was not as if he were looking away in thought; it was, in Fenton’s words, “an odd gaze.”

  His classwork wasn’t suffering. Two days after the above visit, James learned that he had gotten an A in Professor Thomas Finger’s systems neuroscience course. The several professors who co-taught the course (Drs. Finger, Klug, and Restrepo) agreed that he had done very well, and he made a perfect score on the anatomy portion of the final exam.

  In early April, James, usually awkward with women in person, began texting with Hillary Allen, a fellow neuroscience student. She didn’t recognize his phone number and asked who it was. He typed, “Jimmy James from neuro.”

  The texting became flirtatious. He talked about her shorts distracting him in class; she responded in kind. Over the next few days they chatted back and forth about shorts, sexy distractions, school, California, mountains, and going on a hike together. Hillary seemed enthusiastic. Pretty soon, James invited her for a hike; she was excited. He picked her up; she brought snacks. Later, when Hillary mentioned that she had gotten warm on the hike, James texted, “Pfft, As if you could really get hotter than you are nows [sic].” Hillary suggested they study for “prelims” together (examinations required for progressing to the second year of graduate school). He agreed.

  In mid-April, a week or so before the last of the texts above, James joined Match.com, the online dating service. His Match.com profile provides a firsthand view of how he wanted to present himself to the Internet dating world: “I’m looking to meet people outside my social circle … women, ages nineteen to thirty-eight….” He described his physical appearance (five-eleven, slender, hazel eyes, dark brown hair), exaggerated his sports activities (listing basketball, bowling, cycling, football, running, skiing, soccer, tennis and racquet sports, walking and hiking, and weightlifting), and offered a surprising number of social interests (camping, dining out, hobbies and crafts, movies/videos, museums and art, music and concerts, exploring new areas, playing cards, video games, and watching sports).

  Match.com records indicate that James checked his account every few days, sometimes more often, to see if women had responded, but none ever did. He made no dates or other contacts through the website.

  James’s fourth appointment with Dr. Fenton was on April 17, after he had broken off his “friends with benefits” relationship with Gargi and in the middle of what initially seemed to be a developing relationship with Hillary. He told Fenton that he had been taking the medications as prescribed and was doing “okay,” but there didn’t appear to be any improvement. He was still having obsessive thoughts about women, killing people, and other things but refused to go into detail about them with the doctor. Dr. Fenton wrote in her notes that day, “Won’t answer re: plans/HI. No SI.” (“HI” refers to homicidal ideation/thoughts; “SI” is suicidal ideation; see below as well.)

  James asked Dr. Fenton to tell him her own philosophy about the meaning of life. When she deflected the question back to him, as per psychotherapy routine, he became upset, saying, “I’ve told you all mine [thoughts about life]. Are you just a pill-pusher?” Even then, he didn’t show real anger; he simply raised his voice a bit and glared at her. She wrote in the medical record that day that James had “a psychotic level of thinking—guarded, paranoid, hostile thoughts he won’t elaborate on. Very tentative therapeutic relationship.” She was concerned that he was taking his medicat
ion only reluctantly but noted that he had kept all his appointments; his hygiene appeared adequate, and he seemed to be functioning in school.

  Dr. Fenton added a diagnosis of “schizotypal personality disorder” at that visit. Schizotypal personality disorder is similar to the schizoid personality disorder described earlier, but schizotypal people have more obvious distortions, eccentricities, and intermittent disconnection with reality. She made a specific note about “Safety” in the chart, saying, “No evidence of imminent threat (I’m worried about HI much more than suicidal thoughts in this patient) though he is very guarded and doesn’t reveal much.”

  At that April 17 appointment, Dr. Fenton made a mistake on one of James’s prescriptions, writing “James Hughes” instead of “James Holmes.” The pharmacist caught the error, and no harm was done, but James sent Fenton a terse e-mail message from the drugstore:

  An inconvenience Fenton. Holmes.

  The subject line that Dr. Fenton saw with James’s e-mail seemed bizarre and unsettling to her:

  <(o.X)> Q(o.O)Q

  Fenton had no way of knowing that the characters were an unintelligible, unintended text translation of common iPhone emoticons that James had used. James had no way of knowing that his message had been misconstrued.

  On his next visit, May 1, James was quiet and looked sullen. Dr. Fenton brought up her writing the wrong last name on his prescription and asked what the symbols in the subject line of his e-mail had meant. Fenton wrote in her notes for the session that James told her the Qs were his fists punching her in the eye, and said he had added, “Violence—is that what you needed to hear?”